Where does the time go?

It seems like forever since the last time I wrote. Where does the time go? I've been reading this a lot lately - as friends and friends of friends post pictures, proud pictures, of their children going off to school. Preschool, kindergarten, high-school, college, grad school. All of them asking themselves the same question...where does the time go? I can remember my little cousins, in diapers, playing with dollies and cars. Showing me tricks and letting me carry them around like they were my little children. Now they are shipping off to college and grad school leaving me feeling very, very old.

My brother - my baby brother who I tormented and adored at the same time is turning 31 years old in a few days. THIRTY ONE years I have loved him, looked up to him (looked down at him my fair share of times too - sorry for being a big Sis with a superiority complex) and watched him grow into a MAN. yes a MAN. And my own son. My baby boy. The one I brought into this world on November 23, 2004, in a tub full of water, is going into the 3rd Grade.

It seems like yesterday that I was in the 3rd grade. Matter of fact I have a rather Rain Man like memory of my childhood school years. Pre-school - Mrs. Smith at the Little Brown Church. Learning the Pledge of Allegiance and singing This Land is Your Land to the sweet sound of an old organ. Making paper pilgrim hats and wearing white gowns at graduation. A boy ate a worm that year in front of me. I cried salty tears and Mrs. Smith wiped them away. I remember playing under what we thought was an enormous, Redwood sized, pine tree - I drive by it now and it resembles that of a small Christmas tree. Funny how perspective changes.

Kindergarten - Mrs. Ostroski's class - saw my first baby breastfed that year. Kissed Justin B. behind the tree in front of the main office - ok ok so I kissed him on his coat but it meant something to me. Sat in circles and learned to read Dick and Jane books. First grade was Mrs. Hagman - Chinese New Year coins and John Doe (*Name changed to protect the identity) wearing a medicated bandaid on his thumb to prevent sucking in class. I faked a knee injury that year in the Junior Ski Program. The Bus slowed down and everyone stared and waited while I took my sweet time getting on and off the bus. I also got to sit in a chair that year during story time instead of sitting cross legged on the rug. I was so special.

Second grade was Ms. Cates - the lady that was rumored to have locked a child in her closet. That was the year we voted for President in the newsletter mock poll - I told everyone that Dukakis was going to let the murderers out of jail so they had better vote for George Bush Sr. I fell in love with a boy from Bath who I thought was the first African American boy I had ever seen. Turns out he just had curly hair. Third grade was prime for romance. Oh *John Doe (ok ok it was Sandy Forbes) I wanted to run away with you. We held hands in the movie theater while watching Ski Patrol - Caitlin was there too. It was fabulous. Oh yeah and so was your mom. Great date overall. I forget what sort of penny candy we got from the lady at the mall. I still have the letters. Written to and from boys and girls outlining our plans for love and life. We made raffles, we invented games and went on top secret spying missions. I was told in 3rd grade that Santa wasn't real. Thank you Jimmy Y. I cried and cried in Mrs. Merrill's lap. She wiped my tears and assured me that Santa was real and I should still believe. I'll never forget that sweet moment.

Fourth grade was prime for new things - new school, new lockers and oh yes, more boys. Kevin placing a rose in my locker. Being the first and only boy at my birthday party - Oh how cutting edge I was. It was at the Cranmore Resort - I was pretty lucky that year. I think it was $80 for the entire party - makes my sons $350 Portland Pirates 6th birthday party look like a wedding! I could go on and on...and on.

Where does the time go? I want to tell my son I'm so proud of him. I brought him into this world thinking his life would go a certain way. It has not gone as planned. Actually nothing has gone as planned but I wouldn't want it any other way. Coming to grips with the fact that life's journey is anything but how you expect it to be. And that is a wonderful thing. If things had gone the way I had planned them in my mind - I would have sold myself short. There is such sweetness in the overcoming of obstacles. My original plan had no obstacles - just smooth sailing. But without storms and rain there are no rainbows. I've learned that over the last 32 years.

I remember his daycare days - did I pack enough milk? Will they drop him? How on earth will I be able to work knowing my baby is away from me? I remember his pre-school days - why on earth is he biting other kids? No there is no Mrs. Frazier - it's Perley and his dad is far far away - like Afghanistan far away and he may not ever come back. Yes son, you have a Daddy.

I remember Kindergarten drop off - I followed the bus and cried behind a tree - taking pictures as if I worked for the CIA. Please be safe honey - please know that Mommy loves you. Wow you can read well. Yes, honey - Mommy's sorry you have to go to aftercare also - trust me I wish I could pick you up at 3:05.

First grade - here comes the class clown. Now I know what I put my teachers through! My little comedian - my brainiac - my guy. Second grade - ok he's starting to want to go on playdates and doesn't want me to kiss him at drop off anymore! Does he still need me? Why is this happening so fast?

And now third grade - I'm sitting here, in the house I own, on my own. My baby sleeping in the next room about ready to start the grade when I was told that Santa didn't exist. Where did the time go? I feel old - I miss the earlier years but I am so happy we have overcome them. And just when I feel like my boy is all grown up, I realize he has crawled into my bed with his Bugs Bunny stuffed animal I won him after absolutely crushing the competition of 5 year olds at Six Flags water guns. He's still my baby. He always will be.